Kate’s Updates: Post Treatment Blog 1

Goodness, where do I even begin? Well, I am 2 months post last chemo and I return to work on Monday. I feel like one day I will want to look back and remember what these past 8 weeks were like so here I go. To be completely honest these weeks have been the weeks where I had to come to grasp with all that happened over course of 6 months. Six months, wow- that's all it was? 6 months? Admitted to hospital- twice, Two extended trips to Mayo Clinic, surgery, radiation and chemo- all in six months. Although I had nothing to do in MN I never sat and dwelled on what was happening, at least I don't feel like I did. I would get up and get through everyday the best way I knew how. I believe that was 100% my survival instinct. And when you no longer have to be in survival mode, you crash! Crash emotionally, physically, and mentally. I crashed pretty hard emotionally one day. I can not even remember the trigger but at the time it was significant enough for me to quite literally just fall into my husband and children's arms and cry a nice long hard, ugly, cry. It was a great release of soul cleansing salty tears and the beginning of my healing. Everyday after that was initially a tad more difficult to get through, I felt disconnected from myself and others. I was going through the motions of "normal" life but felt far from normal. It was not like I was thinking "oh poor me" it was just this sense of- what the shit just happened?! As days passed the tears flowed less and less and my energy started to increase. On July 12 I was able to start mixing in running into my walks but it has not pretty at all! My feet hit the ground hard, my ankles hated the pounding and my hips, the powerhouse of locked up emotions, did not know what to think. The natural release of endorphins when running caused me to once again just burst out in tears. I am certain I looked like a fool running down the road crying my eyes out. Again the salt of my sweat and tears was healing. On July 30, 5 months post surgery and 6 weeks post chemo I ran 5K. I didn't intend too, it kind of just happened. And when I looked down at my watch and saw I was at 3.1 miles I just stopped and you guessed it, cried! I stood there thanking God for the strength he gave me to conquer life's greatest challenge of battling cancer. I started wondering how I would make it the next 2.1 miles home and then my phone rang. It was my oncologist office trying to schedule my post treatment PET scan. I hung up and ran.....all the way home. When it was all said and done I ran 5.22 miles that morning. The pace was terrible but the pride was amazing for the first time in a long time, I felt in control again. As great as this all sounds at this point its about all I can do for the day. Ha..... after workong out I am done for the day!

Physical recovery is something not many people talk about. Maybe because it does not make any sense. During my treatments I felt the normal chemo nausea, fatigue, etc. I had some intermittent hearing issues and that was it. A couple weeks after chemo ended I started having a bunch of other random symptoms like neuropathy in my hands and feet, bone pain in my fingers, elbows, ankles and toes and other aches and pains. I also stopped getting periods. Yup! I had normal cycles through everything and then after my last round of chemo nothing. That combined with hot flashes that keep me up at night and hit me like a furnace during the day leads me to believe that chemo may have sent me into menopause. So very strange to me that there can be new symptoms after stopping therapy. Or perhaps they were always there but I never felt them because of my survival mode? I started noticing all these symptoms when I started processing everything emotionally. I also wonder if many of these are because of chronic toxins built up in my body from surgery, radiation, chemo, injections, and fear. Increased levels of cortisol from prolonged flight or fight can be toxic to your system so I have started focusing on detoxing my body. I have returned to what my dad refers to as VOODO physical therapy. It is really IMT (integrative manual therapy) and works with the mind body connection. I have also started taking Milk Thistle and some other supplements to aid in detoxing my system. I started stretching again too. As painful as it is because of the tightening of my ligaments and muscles from chemo, I get down in the floor and stretch everyday. I hope that with these approaches and time, some symptoms will improve. And if they don't, well at least I am alive!

I suppose hair growth would fall under physical recovery too! My hair started growing back FAST. It was about a month after last chemo when I noticed- "damn, I have to shave!" The hair on my head gets thicker everyday. Eric thinks I look like George Clooney. I think I look like I am having a gender identity crisis. The color is darker and certainly has a ton of greys! It is in the awkward stage where people may actually think I chose to have my hair cut like this. I am not sure how I feel about it. The kids and Eric already cant picture me the way I used to look. I get a lot of questions from people about what I will do with it.....Keep it short, color it, grow it back out, leave the greys? I am not really sure what I will do with it.

After my last round of chemo I had some significant anemia and neutropenia. I had to give myself injection to boost my immune system. My Hgb was not low enough for a transfusion but it was low enough to where I was extremely fatigued, short of breath and my heart rate would sky rocket with any activity and be elevated just resting. It was monitored bi weekly until it started to trend up. This was all short lived and only lasted about two weeks and then I was recovered.

Mental recovery- well, that one is well known as Chemo Brain! Yikes, it is very real. I would say the brain fog part has improved significantly as I work through emotions and get more physically active. Lets just I may not be the sharpest right now- BUT I know where my weaknesses lye and know that rushing through reading something will led to misreading. There just seems like there is a circuit lose. I have a great team at work and of course an amazing family that will laugh with me about it and are willing to help me and be patient as I work through it. You would not believe how long it took me to feel comfortable enough to just drive around my town. I still have not ventured far and certainly not anywhere unfamiliar. I just was unable to react fast enough or even process or handle all the commotion associated with driving. Good thing D had his permit through all this!!!

Next month starts the remission part of this journey. On September 15 I have a PET scan and MRI of the brain. I have spoken to Dr. Oliver, my radiation oncologist at Mayo) and will be mailing and sending scans electronically for him and Dr Cassivi (surgeon) to review and will have a video follow up with him after they receive the images. We will continue this every three months for five years. Since my oncologist here is ordering the scans, I will have to have a follow up with him as well, that is scheduled for September 18. Prayers that there are no new cancer cells!

The family is doing great! A lot has happened this summer. Rylie turned 14, I turned 42, Eric turned 43, Eric and I celebrated our 18th wedding anniversary, Dylan got his license and made his confirmation. School will be going back virtually this fall and the plans, although not concrete, will be to return to the classroom when the number of covid cases decreased to a certain magic number. We are all looking forward to establishing some type of routine again. I will be sure to update again after my scans and appointments next month.