Chapter 2: Sucker Punched

 “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the face”- Mike Tyson

I never thought this was how Chapter two of my blog would go. So sit back, definitely get a drink, and kick up your feet this will be a long entry. 

About two weeks ago I noticed my weight was changing, with the voices of the doctors from last year always in my head, I knew that at any sign of my sodium dropping I should get it checked. On Wednesday, at work, I ordered a BMP on myself. The next morning Dr Shur Allen called to let me know my sodium was down to 130. I immediately called Mayo and in less than an hour I heard back. To make a long story short they advised me to contact my local oncologist and discussed returning to MN for scans and some appointments. By Thursday evening I had been for repeat blood work and had appointments scheduled at Mayo for Tuesday. We waited all day for the oncologist to call with lab results but they never did. We spent a couple hours next door on Friday evening with our friends Rafe and Michelle (Rafe is the Thoracic surgeon) we were able to discuss the labs, my history and our plan. that evening I became really nauseous overnight and Saturday morning Eric and Rafe formulated a plan for me to get checked out VIP style. At 10am Rafe had me go to his hospital for labs through the ER by 11:15 I had labs, was admitted and in a room. What I was convinced or maybe just hopeful was a “lab error” proved my labs were in fact another bout with SIADH. My sodium had dropped to 121. Things moved quickly and By 2pm Saturday I had an MRI of the brain and a CT of chest, abdomen and pelvis. All were clear which was SUPER and In theory that would mean the cancer was not large enough or in multiple spots to be missed with routine images. Throughout the day my sodium stayed at 121, dropped to 120 and at 10pm crawled up to 124. 

The initial plan was to get a Dotatate PET ASAP and get me stable enough to fly to MN. It all seemed reasonable and possible until Sunday morning when my sodium trended from 124 to 122. Sunday was more chasing the sodium bottom line, I got up to 6Grams of sodium, restricted fluids lasix and Urea Powder and managed to stay around 123. By Sunday evening we had to cancel our flights to MN since I was not stable enough to fly. Monday, after another long day and after a lot of admin run around and a massive amount of finagling, Rafe Was able to get the PET scheduled inpatient that night.

Here comes the punch in the face……. The cancer came back and was found in my cervical spine (C7) my right upper chest and my left proximal femur. Yes, three spots. WTF right?!?! I know! Sooooo many question?  Yeah, me too! It was the worst fucking news ever. I was prepared for one small spot but three? And what the shit are they doing in my bones? It was all thoughts! All of them!! Ugh. The only glimmer of good news is that the scan was done at the end of the day and I was somewhere where Ativan was available to take at bed to knock me out. It was honestly the best sleep I had in days. Tuesday came and (insert extremely long pause, hard swallow and deep exhale) that will go down as one of the worst days of my life. 

The morning started off when my oncologist came into the hospital room, pulled up a chair and sat down at 7:30am. The words were clear and harsh and had so many fillers. Back, multiple spots, not surgical, there will not be treatment to cure, we have limited treatment options available because of polysorbate allergy, will return again- and when asked for just a little hope the answer was “I'm sorry.” Obviously there was a lot said that I'm sure no one wants to hear as much as I don't want to relive, so I will spare you the gut wrenching details. Telling my friends and family were difficult but telling Dylan and Rylie, there are no words. I hope with every breath in my soul not ONE of you ever has to have this talk with your children. 

Wednesday started off as good as any day after your “most worst day ever” could- with a pounding headache! As if I didnt have enough salt problems- I just cried a river of salty tears for 24 hours. 

I want to end there for now because I just really needed to get the “word” out so the prayers could start. There is Much Much more to say and I will fill in the end of this entry soon. In the meantime, until I have the emotional and physical energy (as well as another device other than my phone to type on) please allow me to be selfish for a minute and ask you/ beg you to ask everyone you know to put me on top of their prayer list if even for just a day. I will fight this along side of my army!!!!!!!