Surgery

 “You shoot me down, but I won't fall, I am titanium”- Sia

Our “trip” home between chemo and surgery was all but restful. After being discharged from the hospital, My white count was not budging and despite multiple shots of Leukine I was still below 2. I ended up having to get a double dose which lead to a horrific headache. For a brief moment when I woke up at 3am and couldn’t lift my head, I thought I had meningitis. Which wouldn’t be far fetched considering I was just discharged from the hospital and had no immune system. For 24 hours I felt like I was going to die right then and there. My cancer was progressing so it was easy to allow my mind to take me to dark places. Obviously I survived but it is a day I wish to never remember.  That day, my hair started falling out! Just add more fuel to the fire. It was falling out in a very different fashion than last year. Very quickly!!! I’m not sure if it happened so quickly because it was shorter or because my medications are both given intravenously this time, but in a matter of three days 95% of my hair had fallen out. By day two I was left with a curly Kramer style mullet! Last year I was anxious to get rid of it- take control of when I went bald. This year however, my mind set was different. This year, instead of getting ahead of it and “taking control”, I wanted to leave it…… until it all fell out on its own. I wanted to say “bring it”  to the chemo and cancer. Hit me with your best shot, I can take it, you’re not going to knock me down no matter what. Silly I know- but it’s how I felt. Boy did that bring some good laughs! I looked ridiculous! My hair got so bad that when I would pull my Bobby pins out all the hair it was holding back came right out with it! Its was such a mess. By the time Eric and I got to MN, we had to take trimmers to what was left….. but we only used a 7…… short enough to not make a mess all over the hospital but not “shaved”.

We had flown out to MN Sunday evening unsure what the week would bring. Surgery was scheduled for Tuesday but we knew that my WBC was still only 1.7 prior to leaving home which could delay the operation. Monday was a beautiful day and aside from a quick COVID test we had almost all day to just enjoy Rochester in the spring. Dana arrived around 10am and we spent the day having a picnic at soldier field and took a leisure walk to the mall. I was scheduled to arrive at St Marys for a 5:30am check in on Tuesday so We we’re all tucked in before 8pm Monday night. 

Rainbows, hot air balloons, starfish and sand dollars. Over three days leading up to surgery day there were signs all around that made any doubt of God's presence impossible. 

#1 About a month or so ago, I went for a walk alone on the beach. The poem Footprints in the Sand was running through my head as I was begging for a sign that God was hearing our prayers, asking relentlessly for peace. Nothing. There was no sign to be found until I turned around and headed back to the car and there it was right in front of me….. a dead starfish! What the hell. Not exactly what I was expecting and certainly not comforting! Last weekend before leaving again to MN for my surgery I was sitting on the beach watching Eric and Rylie surf. Not intentionally praying at all rather just soaking up the sight in front of me. As they were walking toward me after their surf session Rylie stopped dead in her tracks and pointed down right in front of her feet. “Mom, look! Its a starfish!” Hesitantly yet anxiously, I walked over hoping not to see another dead starfish. I counted 1,2,3,4,5- that’s a good start, 5 legs. Then I gently lifted it up and looked underneath and the tentacles were moving! It was alive and in one piece. I picked it up as gingerly as possible, walked out into the water, soaking the bottom of my pants, and tossed it past the break into safety. We stood there a couple minutes to make sure it didn’t get washed up. Naturally I was paranoid that something terrible would happen- like a shark would surface with the starfish on its mouth and spit it back onto the sand just to spite me. Dramatic, I know….and nothing of the sort happened. I didn’t want to leave, unsure of its destiny but I had to. I ended up sharing the entire story with a family that had just set up for the day and the women agreed to keep an eye out and save the starfish if it was washed up again. 

#2 On Monday my friend's sister was on her morning run along the beach and praying for my healing. She was asking God for a sign that things would be OK and that I would beat this cancer. She envisioned finding a beautiful perfect shell, and out of nowhere she saw the most perfect sand dollar (see below)! 

#3 On Tuesday a friend was taking a morning walk praying for me and right there in front of her a rainbow was formed. 

#4 Then Tuesday evening as the sun was setting and my pain from surgery was finally getting under control Eric noticed two…. No actually three….. Hot air balloons just above the treeline out my hospital room window. I don't know about you but I can’t deny that any of those events were God's presence. 

Ok, Surgery….. Tuesday morning went seamlessly. My anxiety over my blood counts proved to be unnecessary. Although I was still only at 3, everything else looked great and surgery was a GO. My friend Lori had told me that her husband Jason (who is a nurse anesthetist) would be stopping in to check on me so I was not surprised when he came in to say hi during pre op. I was surprised that he stayed by my side the entire time, walked alongside my stretcher into the OR and was in my sight until The anesthesia took effect. How amazing is that!!!???!!!! 

Surgery was successful. I am now Titanium and can’t get the Sia song out of my head (hence the quote above) !!!! The sections of my femur that contained the tumors were in definite need of stabilization but the remainder of the femur looked strong! The surgeon, Dr Rose, was able to remove almost all of the tumor from the greater trochanter (which was the largest) He could not risk causing fracture by removing any of the others that were farther down the bone. The pain was significant for the first day but by that evening I was standing up and “moving” - Yup, It hurt like hell, not going to lie! There are four incisions. The largest at the hip and the smallest at the knee. They had to cut through some of the IT band so not only does the bone hurt, I have some significant IT band syndrome. The bottom screws are just barely behind the top of my knee cap and the top screws are at the hip ball and socket. Day 2 I was climbing stairs and ambulating well with a walker. Day 3 I was discharged, Day 4 I flew home. I can cruise around using furniture however I do so with a limp, which is frowned upon So I have to use  the walker and or  crutches for support. I would be a complete phony if I said it doesnt hurt and everything is great. It hurts and sucks! Everything about it sucks, but no time to dwell on that. I could go on and on about the post op stay in the hospital but I won’t. There was just one very interesting thing that happened on Day 2. I met three employees all with ties to Virginia! Three! Ha! We have been going back and forth to Mayo a lot over the past 15 months and never met a single person from Virginia, let alone Hampton Roads. The transporter that bought me back after Xray was from Richmond, a nurses aids aunt lives in Chesapeake and the charge nurse was from Virginia Beach…..Salem (right down the road) and her sister still lives down at the oceanfront. So Crazy. 

Before heading home we had an appointment with Dr Dimou. It was our first visit since my setback prior to surgery. He agrees that there has been Modest progression of tumors in left and now right femur and lumbar and sacral spine.  There has been Some progression in tumors that were radiated which was surprising since they Usually melt with radiation but it’s more proof that we are not dealing with classical small cell. He feels that there is a “key” out there which we can use to unlock a treatment that will work. Consensus from the tumor board is to go Another cycle of current treatment then image with PET scan in 5 weeks from surgery to determine the next step. In the meantime I will be sending pictures over my patient portal to Dr Rose to see when wounds are healed well enough to resume Chemo. Which- Good News Alert- we finally got approved to receive at HOME!!! Praise God 🕺🏼