Be Still and Know

 Walk in peace with the Lord. Seems so simple, seems like words we hear in scripture. But today I realized what that means, what it looks like, what it feels like. As I was doing my daily breathing and meditation my mind went directly to this beautiful valley and I was walking hand in hand with Jesus. There was nothing around , like an open corn field, but the light was beautiful- as if it was “golden hour”. All of a sudden I looked toward Jesus and said “this must be what peace is.”( It was the most powerful words I had ever said.) But  I can see it- how can one see peace? I thought peace was a feeling. SO I asked Jesus to come with me to visualize peace in my body. A place where cancer can not thrive. I went to do my intentional body scan, as I usually do during my first round of breathing,  when my mind, maybe my spirit, shifted and there was no need to scan my body and "remove" all cancer cells. There was just peace. I saw peace in my mind and body and It was beautiful.  I began to wonder how else peace can be seen and what  it looks like. To me, It looked like being cancer free, being at all my children's life moments, growing old with Eric, and appreciating the beauty of the world around me. It looked like the complete opposite of fear and anxiety.  It  seemed so perfect.  Entering my second round of breath and meditation was even more powerful, and as I proceeded with  my third round, I had tears roll down my face. Once you can just be still, it is easy to see peace. Be still and know (Psalms 46:10). 
I always have instrumental music playing in the background during morning meditation. Today I chose to play music from my Hallow app and just as I finished, a song with lyrics came on “Holy God we praise thy name”--- I had to laugh, ok maybe cry, at the irony of my peace experiene for ten minutes concluding with lyrics. It is evident that Jesus is walking with me. It has been since our very first trip to Mayo in Feb 2020. But let's be real, it's not easy to remember. Today I was reminded of his plan and how perfectly he times everything for us. Imagine if things worked out the way I wanted them too. Imagine if insurance immediately covered Lutathera.I would be getting treatment around Christmas and not spending the time with my family. The timing allowed me to have 4 weeks to create space in my world and REALLY allow Jesus to start HIS healing. And now, as we await the birth of Jesus and celebrate Christmas, I am finding a greater peace. 

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

(It all made perfect sense in my soul this am, but very difficult to clearly express in words)