Cycle Three Psych

I am a little behind on my updates since getting home, I have been soaking up my kids and enjoying the normalcy of being home. Last week was supposed to be Cycle three of chemo!  To be honest I was more nervous then I was for the first day chemo!  Here at home the Covid protocol is different than it was at Mayo.  Shoot everything is different.  In MN Eric was allowed everywhere with me. He was able to be at all my appointments and each chemo and radiation treatment. At home, I was told he could not be with me for treatment and that I would have to go “alone”. No one was allowed with me for the 6-8 hours of chemo treatment. I was worried about them messing up…. not giving me the same “line up” of meds, which was silly because we already went over all my meds and Dr Franzman said they were using the same meds as Mayo.  I worried about what to expect, would they have recliners, blankets, TV, and most importantly snacks??? It sure was different but it was not horrible. Instead of having a private room for treatment, the set up was a semi-circle of recliners around a nurse’s station. They did have warm blankets (my Fav) and offered me drinks and snacks. I was not able to assess the snack situation because I was not there long enough. Unfortunately, my bone marrow was even more suppressed than last time. My neutrophils were 0.7 and we had to delay treatment by one week. This time, however, since I was done with radiation, medication could be given to help boost neutrophils……nonetheless it was too late in the cycle to do it, It would have to wait until I rebound on my own and finish cycle three.  Naturally, there was a minor problem with the timing of that. I will have chemo Friday, Saturday and Sunday and the injection should be given 24 hours after the last dose of chemo…..which is Memorial Day and the office will be closed. There is a way that they can attach a device to me on Friday and program it to deliver medication on Monday but that method would not allow any dose adjustments. My oncologist would prefer to not give me the full amount because based on my weight it may be more than I need and the medication at the correct dose already causes significant bone pain since the medication penetrates the bone marrow. After some figuring he determined it will still fall in the window of efficacy if I go in on Tuesday for the injection. SO that is the plan, stay tuned! Here is hoping that the injection will work and I can get cycle four, my final cycle, done three weeks later.  All this neutropenia keeps setting my chemo completion date back!

Quick note on no patient visitors during treatment.....At my meet and greet with Oncology here the doctor mentioned that this policy may continue after Covid.  I think that when I am done with my treatments I will let him know my thoughts on that. I worry that doctors and business will continue with stupid protocols that were put in place because it is easier.  Sure it is more convenient to limit or restrict visitors but what does it do to the patient? How many hospitalized patients do you think died because "social distancing" guidelines?  Was there an increase in deaths because of loneliness?  Interpersonal relationships do so much more for patients then what meets the eye. Connecting with people increases oxytocin, the feel good hormone. Human touch and being surrounded by loved ones acts as a health benefit and that can not nor should not be ignored. 

On Saturday, May 9^{th (the day after my last post)} I pulled the trigger and had the kids and Eric shave my head. I can not believe how much strength I was able to draw from my children. My heart was in my throat and my eyes filled with tears as I heard the scissors cut through what was once my ponytail. Just when I felt the salt from my tears hit my cheek, I looked at Dylan and Rylie’s face and did not see fear or pity or sorrow- I saw smiles! Smiles! What the heck. If they can watch their mom lose her hair and laugh about it, then why should I fight back tears??? We ended up having a great time with it. I have to say, its been so nice since shaving it. As I mentioned before, it was shedding horribly and became annoying to deal with. The bald spots were getting harder to cover with my comb over pony. With my new "do" I no longer have a daily reminder of the chemo in my system and it is very liberating. It has not been liberating in the way I thought either. I initially assumed that shaving it would be like giving cancer the middle finger, but it is so much more. Shaving my head gave me myself back, does that make sense? How can looking completely different make you feel more like yourself??? But it did. We have a lot of good laughs about my bald head. Eric thinks now that I have no hair, I should get a cancer discount- 10% off. Lol.🤦🏻‍♀️ I mean we can not get AARP discount, we do not have AAA and neither of us are military so why not. He also has used my bald head as an excuse to shave his, so now we are twins.  The kids say I wear it best!

PS. Team Zebra (as we like to call my support system) has continued to amaze me. I think I am going to do a photo blog soon since a picture is worth a thousand words! My neighbors, who I barely have even had the opportunity to get to know,  have been terrific.  I have had dinner dropped off and gifts sent over since being home, not to mention all of them cheering me on everyday!